


Karkat Eats An Apple

by kelpie_flavored



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Joke Fic, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Vomiting, Vore, daves a lil pushy so, sorry i guess lol, tell me if i need to add tags ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelpie_flavored/pseuds/kelpie_flavored
Summary: Dave has a vore kink. Karkat does not. Events transpire.Im so sorry
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 16





	Karkat Eats An Apple

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags. just sayin.

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
TG: babe  
TG: babe come online  
TG: babe  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???  
TG: baaaaaaabeeeee  
TG: oh hey babe <3  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, DAVE???????  
TG: right  
TG: did you know that uhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
TG: apple seeds are like  
TG: poisonous af  
TG: well not poisonous af like a lot  
TG: they have a poisonous thing in them  
TG: they have small amounts of cyanide  
TG: (translation troll cyanide)  
TG: (grubynide?)  
CG: I KNOW WHAT CYANIDE IS, DAVE.  
TG: ok cool cool  
TG: but anyway if you chew them they have a thing that turns into cyanide in them  
TG: but you have to eat like a lot of them though  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR POINT?  
TG: idk man i was just thinking about things being eaten  
TG: you should eat me so i can get the apple seed experience  
TG: jk jk  
TG: apple seeds dont get vored like i want to  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
TG: vore  
TG: like  
TG: its when like  
CG: I UNFORTUNATELY KNOW WHAT VORE IS.  
TG: aight nice  
TG: so anyway  
TG: basically  
TG: vore me daddy  
CG: WHAT’S A DADDY.  
TG: oh cmon  
TG: ive explained this to you like at least a million times  
CG: I HAVE CHOSEN TO REPRESS THE MEMORY.  
CG: I’M NOT PLAYING INTO YOUR LUSUS KINK TODAY DAVE.  
TG: aw man  
TG: creepa  
TG: awwww man  
TG: so we back in the mine  
CG: STOP.  
CG: JUST STOP.  
CG: IF I DISCUSS YOUR VORE KINK WILL YOU NOT TYPE THE REST OF THE LYRICS.  
TG: hell yeah sure thing man  
TG: just lemme get to a safe spot  
CG: DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE GOING TO PAIL YOURSELF WHILE WE HAVE THIS CONVERSATION.  
CG: NOPE. NEVERMIND. YOU KNOW WHAT, TYPE THE REST OF THE LYRICS OF YOUR HUMAN MINECRAFT SONG, I AM NOT DISCUSSING THIS.  
TG: aw babe  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum!  
TG: cmonnn  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat   
TG: kat kat   
TG: kat   
TG: karkat karkat karkat  
TG: shouldnt this be like beetlejuice where if i saw your name three times you come back  
TG: come onnnnnnn  
TG: kat pls  
CG: GOD DAMN IT.  
CG: OKAY. FINE.  
CG: I’M COMING HOME.  
TG: hell yes  
carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

Dave was laying on the couch, applesauce covering his unclothed titties. He was watching some Earth C movie that was basically like the Titanic but worse because Earth C citizens had no fucking clue what the Titanic actually was. There was an alien ship of some kind shooting lazers at the boat, and the captain was throwing bullets at it with his bare hands. Fucking wild.

Dave hears the door slam open and Karkat shout, “alright, fucker! I’m home! Let’s discuss vore!” Dave fistpumps from his place on the couch. He wipes the applesauce off his titties with a napkin and jumps over the couch to greet Karkat with a kiss. Karkat looks at him. “What the fuck are you wearing.” Dave gestures to his chest, “well I’m wearing nothing here.” Karkat shakes his head. “Not, not that. On your lower half. What is that.” Ah, that. “They’re bootyshorts with your face on them, babe.” Karkat looks like he’s going to scream.

“So let’s talk about vore.” Dave wiggles his eyebrows. Karkat looks like he’s going to cry. “So you know how trolls are basically fucking giants? I mean, we had to make the door frame a lot taller so you could come inside without having to duck. So basically my idea is that you could vore me. It’ll be fun.” Karkat sighs so loudly. “And sexy.” Karkat lies down on the floor. “I can see you’re into this from the crisis you appear to be having.”

“Just leave me here to die, Dave.”

Dave groans. “But then you can’t eat meeeeee.” He throws himself down next to Karkat. Karkat screams into the carpet. Dave huffs. “I know it’s weird but you shouldn’t knock it til you try it, ey man?” He does fingerguns at Karkat, who is now glaring at him.

“Dave, let’s go through this logically, okay?”

He sighs. “Ughhh, fine.”

“You have a kink for me eating you, right?”

Dave nods.

“But how would that work? Sure, you’re godtier, but digestion would be so fucking painful, would you even want to go through that?”

Dave sighs, annoyed. “No, not really. I guess you’d just put me inside your mouth for a while and then throw me up? No, that’d be painful as hell for both of us. Ugh. I don’t know. I just think it’s hot, I don’t have any brain cells.”

“I know you don’t.”

“Can we just try?”

Karkat covers his face with his hands. “Fine, you fucking idiot. If it goes wrong and you’re scarred for life then… well I guess I’d bring you to therapy and help you feel safe again. Ugh. Why am I with you?”

“Cuz you love me.”

“Ughhhhhhhhh. I have bad taste.”

“Damn, I sure hope not. I wanna be tasting like freshly made apple juice when you’re voring me. Or whatever alternian food is your favorite, I guess.”

Kat facepalms. “Fucking. Let’s try this so you can realize how bad of an idea it is.”

“Hell yesss.”

It proceeded to go horribly wrong.

“Wait where do I put my ar- oh god are you choking? Are you okay? Fuck, I’m getting out.” Dave crawls out covered in troll spit as Karkat chokes out his built-up saliva and dry-heaves. “Shit, man, are you okay? We can try again another ti-” Karkat shakes his head. “No, no, I want you to understand how stupid this is _now._ Not another time.” He coughs. Dave looks concerned. “Geez, fine, man.”

It gets worse.

“God, this is so hot.”

“I guess. It feels kind of weird to me. Wait… Dave, how do we get you out?”

“Don’t worry about it man, I feel great.”

“Dave, seriously. I’m worried. You could die in there.”

“I’m a god.”

“Yeah, but **we talked about this** , getting digested wouldn’t exactly be fun for you or me.”

“Puke me up, then? I know it’d be uncomfortable as fuck, but it’s our only option. I mean, you got me in here anyway, so maybe it won’t hurt so bad?”

“I feel like I’m about to throw up anyway, so sure, why not?”

One long puking session later, Dave is lying on the floor naked, covered in the contents of Karkat’s stomach.

“Ewwwww, I’m covered in your vomit, dude.”

Karkat is lying on his side, holding his stomach. “I’m not cleaning that shit up after that whole endeavor.”

“C’mon, you didn’t even enjoy it a little?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I didn’t much either. There was a point in the middle where your tongue was rubbing up against me and that was nice but not much other than that.”

“Can we please agree to never do this again?”

“Yep.”

The stain on the carpeting never quite comes out, as if to serve as a reminder to not do stupid shit like eating your boyfriend ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> if u want a fic that *doesn't* suck i suggest you check out this [other fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22214572/chapters/53039860) in progress by me  
> if u want a worse fic than this i suggest you check out the [horse au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15434706/chapters/35826801)  
> my tumblr is [@kelpieinfestedwaters](https://kelpieinfestedwaters.tumblr.com/)


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